And they whirl and they twirl and they tango

Infrequently updated, uninteresting blather.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Nerd Lovin'

Since Harry Anderson sparked so much discussion, I thought I would explore this topic further--that is, the topic of nerdy guys on TV that I wanted to have sex with when I watched their shows. I'll list them here, but this is NOT a bullshit list to fill up blog space. As long as we're clear.

So here they are, presented in no particular order: The Nerdy Guys on TV Shows Who Made Me Want to Get My Freak On. I love nerds!!

1. Harry Anderson from Night Court, of course. See the last post.

2. David Hyde Pierce as Niles from Frasier. Ohhh, baby. Niles is the kind of nerd that geekophiles like me hold up as the gold standard of Dorky Sexiness. He's heartbreakingly insecure, hopelessly romantic, and invariably genteel. You love him for his sincerity, his bumbling, his quirky nerd interests. Niles is a man to excite both mind AND body. In other words, I would do that boy six ways from Sunday.

3. Dave Foley on Newsradio. I don't know quite what it was about Dave that so excited me; he was the nerdy straight man against which all the other freaks on the show played their act. He was always right, always fair, and usually pretty dull, save some witty comments. He never takes any risks, and generally seems wary about the world around him in sort of a Green Acres kind of way. I don't find myself wanting Dave Foley in any other context; I never got excited watching Kids in the Hall. I guess it's that you know Dave is always going to do the right thing. That's definitely the role most nerds play on TV--they're dorky, but they have hearts of gold. Sing it, Neil.

4. Steve Burns, the host from Blue's Clues. I used to watch this while I babysat three kids across the street in Tulsa, and man, it was hard to turn it off (hard to turn ME off, I should say! Yeow!). I'm not going to explain my attraction to this man, because no one I've ever talked to has understood it. I will say, however, that he did NOT die of a drug overdose: that is a vicious urban myth. He's alive and well, in and out of my dreams.

5. Malcolm Gets as Richard from Caroline in the City. Richard was a very dark nerd--black clothing, black trenchcoat, thick-rimmed glasses and unkempt hair. His voice was nasal and he was always uncomfortable around the adult equivalent of the Cool Kids. He loved anything that most people consider dense, pedantic, and morose. He was a king-sized geek. But damn, I wanted to ride him like a dime store pony. Richard had so much pain and loneliness behind his geekiness, you just wanted to rip off his glasses and trenchcoat, make sweet love to him, and hold him close until the sun came up. He was endlessly scathing and critical of the world around him, yet deep down he was incredibly insecure about himself (though he was unimaginably sexy). I think he is my top choice of this list (sorry, Harry).

This has been fun. I'm sure there are many more I could mention, but I have to go meet someone for coffee at the very hip Spiderhouse Cafe. I am such a cool Austin chick.

Monday, September 13, 2004

Good News and Bad News

I've discovered that keeping up with a blog is difficult when you work more than 55 hours a week. It's not only that I'm too tired and I don't have the time; it's that all I have to write about is work, which no one wants to read. You see, there are only six people working in our office, so it's not like we have a secretary to do all of our mindless work for us. Not only do I come up with all the ideas and plan big events, I have to do the cutting, pasting, copying, printing, and other such tasks that are normally reserved for your everyday drones. I may be the "Marketing Coordinator," but I'm also answering phones and typing all the time like a temp. The good news is, I make about as much money as a mindless drone, so.

Let's organize this entry into good news and bad news, shall we?

Good news: Courtney and Laura are coming down to Austin to see a totally awesome concert all weekend!
Bad news: I can't afford to go to the concert, and they're staying with someone else.

Good news: I'm getting to know Austin really well, all the awesome clubs, bars, shops, and restaurants!
Bad news: I can't afford to buy anything.

Good news: They kicked up my food stamps from $140 to $149!
Bad news: I'm on food stamps.

Good news: Now that I don't have to read for school all the time, I have more time to catch up on novels that I've always wanted to read.
Bad news: I'm getting stupider, day by day. No, seriously, today I made 100 lunch passes for our students with the word "signautre" on it. Guess that B.A. in English did me a lot of good.

Good news: I'm coming home October 1st to see Elliot and all my Okie friends. We're going to see Ben Folds at OU!!
Bad news: Elliot's roommate told Elliot that he feels that my presence at the Ben Folds concert will cut into "their time." Apparently they don't get enough quality time together living together 24 hours a day.

Good news: As tired as I am, sometimes I'm lucky enough to have a sex dream.
Bad news: It usually involves Harry Anderson from Night Court.

Bad news: You will die like dogs.
Good news: No, we will not die like dogs, we will fight like lions!

Okay, I'm getting goofy; it's time to stop. I hope all of you still love me--yes, all three of you.

Thursday, September 02, 2004

Get a Rope

F, my ultra-conservative boss, is trying to suck the soul out of my body. Why? Because people without souls vote Republican.

I know I haven't updated in a long time, but you must understand that being a VISTA doesn't mean I have just a "job." It's a 24/7 commitment--there is no time that I cannot be called upon to serve my country, and lately that time has been ALWAYS. As Jerry (AmeriCorps head of Texas) says, the U.S. government only defines me as a federal employee when it's convenient for the government to define me as a federal employee. That means it can hold me to all the rules and regulations of a federal employee without giving me any of the benefits. So I'm working day and night, but I have no money.

Which brings me back to F. While working late tonight and making no money for it, I spent a half hour tonight trying to convince her that bisexual people are not mentally disabled. Apparently F is progressive enough to believe that people are born one way or another (although she hinted at "resisting one's impulses" as being a virtue), but there are no sunny hinterlands beyond the strict borders of "gay" and "straight." L, my usually liberal co-worker, was on F's side for once, saying that she thought bisexuals were just greedy. She wanted them to pick a side, make up their minds, get with the program. I was surprised to hear her go so far as to say she didn't "believe" in bisexuality, that if you had the capability to be attracted to a member of your own sex, you were already gay whether you admitted it or not. I argued with them until my mouth went dry, but it was like trying to find WMD's in Iraq--impossible. After going on and on about gender theory, feminism, sexuality, erotic energy, socialization, and parenting, I was out of breath just in time to hear F make a veiled comparison between homosexuals and drug users. Looks like I really got somewhere with her, huh?

My new co-workers, J and E, have been "tamed" by F and the Corporation for National and Community Service. E came in with an impressive array of facial piercings, and J came in with a mohawk. Well, J got a last-minute haircut from F the night before our first presentation to the students, and E removed all her mutilations except the acceptable ones in her earlobes. I didn't argue with the higher-ups on this one, simply because I understand that the parents of our students won't support their children in our program if they don't trust our coaches. And in conservative suburban Texas, they ain't happy about folks who look "differ'nt." Our objective here is not to expand our students' sense of personal liberty; it's to get them into college. Anything that gets in the way of our mission isn't worth doing, so the weird looks had to go. I really regret it, though, since both J and E are incredibly unique people who like to shake things up. I like it that people who look "differ'nt" make us question our arbitrary notions about beauty and what's "normal." We are all so duped into believing that all of our expectations are natural, that we were born knowing the right way to apply eyeshadow.

I will try to be better about updating in the future. For those of you who miss me, I will be in Tulsa this Labor Dabor Weekend. I can't promise that I'll have time to see you, since this will be a big family weekend, but it's always worth a shot. Elliot will be there with me, and he's fucking HOT, so you might want to check him out. Also, since my mother lost her job and can't find another one, she's gone off the deep end and started making jars and jars of salsa. Feel free to stop by and take a few bottles for your family. It's cheaper than Pace Picante, and it's not made in New York City.