Moving to Austin Part I: The Street Where I Live

They have a wonderful tool on the internet for people moving to Austin. In front of you on the computer screen is a map of Austin, and you are given a small tool that allows you to highlight any area on the map. As soon as you finish selecting your neighborhood, another window pops up with a chart to show you what the crime is like around you. I decided to use this after I had already moved in, which may have been poor judgment. Let's take a gander at a few of the crime counts for my apartment complex--JUST my apartment complex, not even the surrounding neighborhood. In the past year and a half, there have been: 61 cases of auto vandalism, 12 counts of assault with injury, 10 auto thefts, and 15 "family disturbances."

Other than that, the apartment is fabulous. I'm up on the third floor, which keeps me away from burglars who are lazy or in wheelchairs. Dad and Elliot had a great time carrying my monster of a couch up the stairs. I decided to be a third-wave feminist and let the men do it; third wave feminism is great--just like not being a feminist, except when it might come in handy. Besides, I was too busy looking at my fabulous view of the sparkling blue pool. I soon came to regret my location, however, because here at the community pool there is strictly scheduled "Screaming Time" from noon to about 7pm. All the local kids get in the pool, but instead of just playing, they scream. Now, most kids make a lot of noise when they're playing, but this is just pure and simple screaming--no words, no games, no injuries to cause it--just screaming. I don't know why they're screaming, but it's probably because they're poor and they're pissed about it.

Across from me is a young woman currently attending the University of Texas. She's young, very friendly, and to the relief of my no-I'm-not-really-a-racist mother, white. When we first met her, she was carrying an empty plastic container and walking down to her car. We asked what she was up to, and she said she was going to the store to buy 100 crickets (cost: $7) to feed her bearded dragon (a type of lizard, I think). I smiled, nodded, and ran away before she could ask me to play DND. The scary thing is, this dragon eats about 12 crickets a day, and it's only a baby. When it gets older, it can eat a lot more than that, plus a few small mice. This is going to be an expensive pet for her, not to mention one that can escape and chew through the mouse-resembling toes of her neighbors. Plan: be wary and don't join her online gaming community.

As for the surrounding area, the tow truck driver that brought my car back home (more on that later) told Elliot and me that it's the ghetto. He pointed out a small motel and told us it was a whorehouse, and then showed us a girl walking on the side of the road whom he was sure would get in his tow truck with him if he pulled over. We weren't sure if he knew her already (in the Biblical sense) or if he was just guessing, but we didn't feel like asking. There is also a downstairs neighbor who told me that my car would probably get broken into before my year was up here. I made sure to remove the crack rocks from my car that I usually keep on my dashboard, so I think I'll be okay.

I always thought that I would die in a car accident, since I'm such a bad driver. This thought always made me very sad. But I think that's better than getting shivved in the parking lot for the 5 bucks I have in my pocket. I'm kidding, of course, but if I don't post on this for a few days, I really am probably dead. Stay tuned for more of "Moving to Austin."