Slogging through it all...

Slogging, blogging, whatever. I just got back from Cara's place, where I participated in Vodka Monday with gusto. Unfortunately, my weakened system couldn't handle Cara's dog, so I finally had to leave at 12:30 with my allergies raging. Sometimes I feel like such an awful guest; I can't go anywhere with pets, and it's awfully depressing.

On the upside, I had a good time tonight. It's nice to know that some people in the world like me. Since the whole Elliot debacle, I've felt so worthless and ugly that I didn't even want to look at myself in the mirror. I know deep down that nothing that happened was about me, but it's hard when someone cheats on you to stop yourself from thinking, "What's wrong with me? Am I not pretty enough? Not smart enough?" And so on and so on until I drive myself nuts. When I'm surrounded by people who love me, I stop doubting myself so much and can relax for a while. This whole experience has made me realize that I actually do have people in my life that genuinely love me; I know that sounds silly, but I really don't believe that most of the time. I mean, the fact that Laura has been so nice to me through all this has made me stop and think, "Wow. She actually likes me." Yes, I am fucked up, I'm aware.

I don't have much to say right now except I love Todd Murray, who wrote me a beautiful comment that made my day and warmed my heart. There's one guy that I was sure always hated me....(j/k)

Peace two fingaz (for the Giles).