We'll see...

Hey [Area Director for our Company],

We here at the [our office] were torn over whether or not the following message would be an appropriate invitation to our Holiday Party. While the message is designed with the intention of offending no one, the possibility was raised that it might offend those who are offended by those who try to avoid offense. We therefore send it to you for your opinion:


While [our company] neither promotes nor denigrates the celebration of any religious holidays and respectfully recognizes not only the equal validity of all religions and celebrations thereof, but also the equal validity of those who do not adopt, practice, or follow any religion and/or those who are undecided on whether or not they adopt, practice, or follow a religion and/or any religious, nonreligious, or semi-religious individual who decides for whatever reason that he or she does not wish to participate in celebrations on, near, or inspired by religion, nonetheless we have reached a time of the year when many offices around the country tend to celebrate a "Holiday Party," which is to be considered a non-offensive, unaffiliated, festive end-of-the-year event, brought to the members of an office with the intention that none of the individuals in said office should be alienated by the celebration for any reason whatsoever, including but not limited to race, color, creed, nationality, religion, gender, or sexual orientation, while still recognizing that those who are for any reason offended by the celebration hold a viewpoint as valid as those who are not offended, and so we at [the company] cordially invite you to our "Holiday Celebration," the invitation being made with the caveat that the word "holiday" is meant solely to refer to the myriad holidays surrounding the season and refers to no holiday in particular, nor does it imply that those individuals who do not celebrate any holidays during this time of year are unequal in any way to those that do choose to celebrate actively, passively, or both. What?