La Muerte del Grupo

If there's one thing in this world that I'm good at, it's burning bridges. I can burn a bridge faster and more efficiently than a coked-out bipolar sociopath in the Witness Protection Program. Not that I've ever compared myself to someone with those qualifications, but I'm sure Jefe has and could vouch for me.

Why do I burn bridges when the Wisdom of Cliches would advise me not to do so? I think it's about two different things: first, protecting myself from more pain, and second, minimizing pain for the person on the other side of the bridge. You see, I recognized a while ago that I have a tendency to keep letting people back in my life who really aren't good for me, so when I break things off, I try to make sure that the damage is irreparable. Yes, I'm aware that this is crazy, but it's the way I think. And I think it makes it a lot easier for people to get over not having me in their lives anymore because I've pissed them off so much while we were parting company. Perhaps that sounds arrogant, but I like to think that someone might be sad after we've stopped being friends, and if I can alleviate that sadness by making them hate me, doesn't that make me a good person?

Well, you can guess where this one's going: I've lost yet another blog reader, and perhaps a few more. I ended a conversation with Laura the other day with the phrase, "You can now and for all of time fuck off." Not exactly the way to keep lines of communication open, I know. After a while, this direction I'm going will inevitably rid me of Tracie and Akbar, as well, and then I will have almost all of The Group out of my life forever. For those of you who don't know me that well, The Group was a bunch of people in my life freshman year, and we spent four years of college alternating between having a great time and destroying each other emotionally. The latter situation became more and more the status quo, and I've slowly but surely been burning bridges between each individual since I moved to Austin.

I'm hoping not to lose the Giles, who was not a member of the Group, but is now Laura's boyfriend and Elliot's current roommate. He doesn't strike me as a "you can't love my girlfriend, you can't love me" kind of guy, but you never know. I'm still waiting for a call back from him (ahem)...

Anyway, my advice to you all is to end relationships the right way, in lasting bitterness and painful hopelessness. Kill them dead so they can't rise again and bite you in the ass one more time. And if you lie awake at night sometimes missing them or wondering if you've done the right thing, comfort yourself with thoughts of your own death. Oops, I mean, comfort yourself with the thought that you had to move on.