Emails I Have Actually Sent Out to Everyone in My Building, Part 2

My beloved clients,

144 years ago this coming Friday, a small Mexican army of only 4,000 defeated the French army of 8,000 in the battle at Puebla, Mexico. Back then, [the company] was operating out of the back of a saloon in Laredo, offering its clients telegram services, fast horses, and a very primitive Flavia machine. My ancestor Mabel Lou was the Client Services Rep/barmaid before she died of consumption or dysentery or something, but she passed on her legacy so that I would be able to send out this email to you today and get you to come to the .......

FIESTA!!! That's right, folks! This Friday at 3:00pm in the atrium we are celebrating Cinco de Mayo, which is Spanish for "We Killed the French." We'll have a make-your-own nachos bar with all the fixin's ("nacho" is Spanish for the English word "nacho"), a piñata filled with candy, and yes, ¡bebidas alcohólicas! I don't yet know whether it will be Mexican beer or margaritas, but one way or another, you can get soused at work out in the open instead of under your desk for a change. If that isn't motivation to join the party, I don't know what is.

To help you get into the spirit of the holiday, I have included some Spanish phrases and their translations so you can say them at the party to impress your coworkers.

Me burro esta muerto, gracias.
My day is going well, thank you.

Una vez construi un ordenador de arena utilizando ramitas y trozos de cuerda.
Once we finish the construction on our new arena, we'll really be making truckloads of cash!

¿Donde puedo comprar un bigote falso para mi esposa?
Where can I buy a shirt like that for my wife?

Tráigame la pista del hombre que robó mis dedos del pollo!
Bring me another tasty drink!

Use these phrases at the party, and you'll be a hit! I can't wait to see you there. As the Mexican people say on Cinco de Mayo, mi alimento preferido es paquetes de la salsa de tomate.