I rule at life.

People are always talking about how they need time to think. Their lives are busy and complicated and they never have time to sit down and take stock of it all. I may have actually expressed this need once or twice, but what I'm learning from these two weeks of being trapped in my apartment with non-functioning feet is, I need LESS time to think. Sitting around all day with nothing to do but read and watch Queer as Folk DVDs has given me plenty o' time to think about all the things I'm usually too busy to obsess over, and quite frankly, I miss those busy days. When I think, I think mostly about the things I've done wrong and how I should have handled them better. And in that vein, my thoughts this week keep coming back to the same thought: Laura.

Yeah, we all saw this one coming. I was mad at everyone involved in the Elliot situation, and she was the only one left for me to take it out on. So she ended up getting all of the anger I had stored up for Elliot and Courtney. At first I was so self-assured and tranquil about the whole thing, but lately the veneer of apathy about my former life is starting to crack. I thought I saw her in the car next to me the other day, and my heart leapt up with joy before I could stop it. It wasn't her, of course, but why the hell do I care? When I have too much time to think, I think, "If you don't want her in your life anymore, why do you still check her blog every day? Why do you still have pictures of her around your room? Why do you still wonder if one of the messages on your phone is from her?" I wish that I would just shut the hell up.

Fuck.